The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? ?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Handle every Stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, Pee on it and walk away!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Quote
You can't behave in a calm, rational manner. You've got to be out there on the lunatic fringe.
Jack Welch, retired CEO, GE
Jack Welch, retired CEO, GE
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!...It's
Mark the Super Hero???? Well not exactly.
Last night I was getting gas when I heard a woman in the car next to me start yelling. At first I couldn't make it out, but when I turned around, it made sense to me. She was yelling that there was "Nobody in that car. There's nobody in that car!".
Well the reason that she was yelling is that the car next to her car was driving off, all by itself. All of a sudden a woman came out of the store yelling "stop my car. Please! stop my car!"
So I ducked into a phone booth changed into my superhero costume and...wait that's not it.
My adrenaline started flowing, heart rate increased, and the next thing you know I was 10 times my normal size and green...wait, that's not it either.
I closed my eyes really hard and stopped time...while time was stopped I went and put the car in drive...or maybe not...
I twirled around really fast and changed into my superhero costume and was looking for my invisible jet...wait, that really isn't it. I mean, how was I going to see the invisible jet and who wants to see me in a wonder woman costume...I just thought that woman was screaming. Can you imagine the screams if she saw me chasing after her car in a wonder woman costume?
Anyway, I remembered all my marathon training and took off running after her car, dove in through the window and hit the brakes. Well, that might be a little exaggeration. Its more like I jogged after the car, reached in through the window and pulled the parking break right as the car hit a curb (that is the truth).
The lady came out and said "thanks a million". She had left the car running (in Drive) and thought she put the brake on. She was scared that if she put the car in park, it would die and not start up again. I said no problem and went back to filling up the car with gas.
A few minutes later she came back and said that she couldn't get the brake off. My first thought was "great...I have broken her car, now what?" Luckily, I still had some super human strength left and was able to disengage the parking brake. After this I noticed she backed the car back to the pump, left the car running again to put gas in the car.
Moral of the story...It doesn't take a superhero to stop an out of control 1983 Ford Escort...
Last night I was getting gas when I heard a woman in the car next to me start yelling. At first I couldn't make it out, but when I turned around, it made sense to me. She was yelling that there was "Nobody in that car. There's nobody in that car!".
Well the reason that she was yelling is that the car next to her car was driving off, all by itself. All of a sudden a woman came out of the store yelling "stop my car. Please! stop my car!"
So I ducked into a phone booth changed into my superhero costume and...wait that's not it.
My adrenaline started flowing, heart rate increased, and the next thing you know I was 10 times my normal size and green...wait, that's not it either.
I closed my eyes really hard and stopped time...while time was stopped I went and put the car in drive...or maybe not...
I twirled around really fast and changed into my superhero costume and was looking for my invisible jet...wait, that really isn't it. I mean, how was I going to see the invisible jet and who wants to see me in a wonder woman costume...I just thought that woman was screaming. Can you imagine the screams if she saw me chasing after her car in a wonder woman costume?
Anyway, I remembered all my marathon training and took off running after her car, dove in through the window and hit the brakes. Well, that might be a little exaggeration. Its more like I jogged after the car, reached in through the window and pulled the parking break right as the car hit a curb (that is the truth).
The lady came out and said "thanks a million". She had left the car running (in Drive) and thought she put the brake on. She was scared that if she put the car in park, it would die and not start up again. I said no problem and went back to filling up the car with gas.
A few minutes later she came back and said that she couldn't get the brake off. My first thought was "great...I have broken her car, now what?" Luckily, I still had some super human strength left and was able to disengage the parking brake. After this I noticed she backed the car back to the pump, left the car running again to put gas in the car.
Moral of the story...It doesn't take a superhero to stop an out of control 1983 Ford Escort...
Monday, May 4, 2009
I hope I am never one of the 8
The Man Minute
May 4.09
There are many areas in life that we neglect out of the simple assumption that somebody else is on top of it. Take politics for instance. Our nation's representatives have no real idea of accountability because we, as citizens, basically provide very little of it. What else could explain the fact that our politicians spend millions of our dollars on things that make us want to vomit? We always assume somebody is on top of it, when in fact, it's our very own job that we are neglecting.
Believe it or not, the same is true with the concept of encouragement.
Do you know that some studies show that the average pastor will resign and walk away from a church over ... wait for it ... eight people! Eight people make his life so miserable that he literally gives up.
Just so you know, that statistic holds true ... wait for it again ... for mega church pastors as well. Even in churches that host thousands of people in worship, the average mega church pastor is not exempt from the eight people who seek to destroy his spirit. If you were the devil, how would you go about destroying the spirit of a man of God? Would you cause him litigation grief by having the city council sue him for preaching the gospel? No. If I were the devil I know exactly how I'd destroy a pastor's spirit. I'd put eight of the most sour, bitter people front and center on Sunday morning so that when he preaches he must look at their "faithful" faces. I'd find a way to make them deacons, and committee members, so that he must deal with their venom at every turn.
Pastors face incredible spiritual battles, but the average church member never knows it until the battle has gone public, and the pastor is already on his way out the door. In a church of 500 members, what would happen if the voices of the "great eight" fell on deaf ears because the pastor was surrounded by 492 ambassadors of encouragement? Don't worry about it, though, somebody else is on top of it.
www.bethemanministries.com
May 4.09
There are many areas in life that we neglect out of the simple assumption that somebody else is on top of it. Take politics for instance. Our nation's representatives have no real idea of accountability because we, as citizens, basically provide very little of it. What else could explain the fact that our politicians spend millions of our dollars on things that make us want to vomit? We always assume somebody is on top of it, when in fact, it's our very own job that we are neglecting.
Believe it or not, the same is true with the concept of encouragement.
Do you know that some studies show that the average pastor will resign and walk away from a church over ... wait for it ... eight people! Eight people make his life so miserable that he literally gives up.
Just so you know, that statistic holds true ... wait for it again ... for mega church pastors as well. Even in churches that host thousands of people in worship, the average mega church pastor is not exempt from the eight people who seek to destroy his spirit. If you were the devil, how would you go about destroying the spirit of a man of God? Would you cause him litigation grief by having the city council sue him for preaching the gospel? No. If I were the devil I know exactly how I'd destroy a pastor's spirit. I'd put eight of the most sour, bitter people front and center on Sunday morning so that when he preaches he must look at their "faithful" faces. I'd find a way to make them deacons, and committee members, so that he must deal with their venom at every turn.
Pastors face incredible spiritual battles, but the average church member never knows it until the battle has gone public, and the pastor is already on his way out the door. In a church of 500 members, what would happen if the voices of the "great eight" fell on deaf ears because the pastor was surrounded by 492 ambassadors of encouragement? Don't worry about it, though, somebody else is on top of it.
www.bethemanministries.com
Friday, May 1, 2009
Quote of the day...
The gospel is like a lion. It doesn't need to be protected, it needs to be turned loose.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
